Synchronized Thinking and Speech

HeaderSay What You Mean, Mean What You Say….But don’t be mean!
typography-quotes-inspiration-012I have found this topic to be of interest most of my life, as a person who truly believes in honesty and truth, my real interest is due to the fact that I have met those over the years who I associate with this problem, I want to suggest this post to those who have difficulty speaking their mind, that is basically thinking one thing, but saying something totally different then later finding themselves feeling regret and confused as to why? I once had this problem, but once made aware of it, also made it easier to “Synchronize Thinking and Speech”
Our least developed skill is the ability to confront each other face to face, say what is in our hearts and minds, and at the same time build and strengthen our relationships. Confrontation is something we tend to avoid. Having difficult conversations scares most people into thinking they will lose a friendship, and so they avoid the truth. When we feel frustrated or angry at someone who we feel has undermined us, we get so upset we just can’t find the words to express ourselves. We end up pushing, not pulling, expressing our worst behaviors, or we may hold it all inside until we boil up and explode. images (1)Much of what goes on in situations with high emotional content occurs in our minds. This is our “story” and how we put words to the drama of our experience. Much of our frustration comes from the words we use to tell the story. How do we communicate with each other when we feel pushed to the edge? How do we deal with these challenges to build relationships rather than erode them? How do we masterfully walk ourselves down the ladder of conclusions instead of climbing the ladder of assumptions, inferences, and stories about each other that only reinforce our separateness rather than our connectivity?
thinking-capIn an ideal world, we get to choose the people we want to work with. It starts with choosing a company, a boss, and teammates. Yet today, as teams are formed, we are often dropped into an ongoing drama where there is baggage. You may know some people from previous situations or heard about them from colleagues and friends. They may remind you of the father you never got along with or of your roommate from college. When traveling from one situation to the next, you bring your past along to guide your way. You tap into points of view, know-how, rules of conduct, likes and dislikes, giving you the conceptual tools to decide what to do and why. Rather than entering a new situation with an unbiased and open mind, you search for comparables. You go into your memory bank of similar examples and bring them up to uncover the rules, interpretations, and understandings you need. You have a dialogue with yourself, and perhaps others, about what this new situation will be like, drawing on your past knowledge, insight, and wisdom..Patterns from the past invisibly surface. You may call upon comparables from your experience or from things you’ve read or heard to help you navigate new terrain. Data from the past is either valuable or gets in the way.
Holding on and Letting Go
eff-think-header-_0The consequences of your interactions are filed daily in your memory bank, either as “feel good” or “feel bad” experiences. Memories with strong emotions linger, since the brain more easily files and calls up memories attached with strong sensory data. Smells, tastes, and emotions attached to a memory give it distinctions that enable you to call it up more easily. With little provocation, we can instantly call up a bad experience. Haven’t you ever had a bad experience with a boss? If you’re really upset, you’ll talk about it forever.
Emotional trauma or experiences that threaten our ego, well-being and self-esteem, or just push our hot buttons, tend to linger and create toxic effects that, over time, become the stories everyone wants to tell. Think about the people, Think about emotions that you experience when you’re with different people. Based on how you are feeling, are you encouraging engagement and healthy conversations–or territorial or unhealthy conversations? Mark the relationships in which you may be participating in triangulation and case building. What tools and resources can you draw upon to give you insight and clarity into how to be more productive with other people.

Judith E. Glaser
Judith E. Glaser
0Judith E. Glaser is the CEO of Benchmark Communications, Inc., and the chairman of The Creating WE Institute. She is one of the most innovative and pioneering change agents, consultants and executive coaches in the consulting industry -โ€“ and refers to herself as an
organizational anthropologist.empower-me