Experiences with Bullies

Tarnished Sophia

One of the gents I follow at Bullying Prevention had a post up that really touched me. I’d left the following comment, expecting only a reply;

With so many cases of bullying going on, I wonder if I should share my story as well…But I am unsure. Does reading about others who were bullied help to create a sense of care and community…or does it make those being bullied right now feel even worse to see that it has always been going on? I don’t want to make anyone upset, I want to let themknow they’re not alone”.

View original post 1,577 more words

Advertisements

Will We Speak Up or Be Silent (#5)

silent killerTerry  KindenWell now for the final entry, number (5) my opinion, I will personally say “SPEAK UP” it’s the best for all concerned and good for nobody, once again the blogger’s inquiry, “Will We Speak Up or Be Silent”? highlighted below, our first point of view we heard from a Christian “Jesus Needs New PR” , our second point of view comes from a political stand point, “The Political Informer” and from Dr. ALAN L. BERMAN, then form a “Bully’s” point of view By Ryan Legg. all opinion’s from predominate members of society. As we “NOW” answer your question with number 5 of 5 reason why you should speak up,..…and “the blogger wrote”: “With so many cases of bullying going on, I wonder if I should share my story as well…But I am unsure. Does reading about others who were bullied help to create a sense of care and community…or does it make those being bullied right now feel even worse to see that it has always been going on? I don’t want to make anyone upset, I want to let them know they’re not alone”. Yellow lineimages (2)I will now take a look and enter my opinion on numbers one to four, first number (1) from Mathew at “Jesus needs new PR” (Public Relations) he comes across as still holding back unreleased anger, understandable from a victim of “Bullying” I have often wondered if the anger will ever subside, considering that in all honesty “my opinion, a survivor of Bullying should be classified or categorized as a survivor of attempted murder, really how different is it then slowly poisoning someone’s food until they die? “Bullying” is yet to be categorized but is “THE SILENT THREAT”. He also makes good points about society’s role, because of our theologies, which is so true, something drilled in our heads as kids will control us forever until we change our theologies, but I won’t ramble on, it’s all in each post. Number (2) “The Political Informer” also has anger hanging around, he also has a rude and insulting point of view, also his view interested me on Justice or the lack there off, and he also suggest social media to expose your Bully, with pictures and recording the incidents is also very important. Post number (3) from a well respected member of the community, DR. ALAN L. BERMAN whom has testified many times in a court of law, a trained professional on Bullying and Suicide and how they are connected. I found his description of the state of ones mind before committing suicide very accurate, that you truly and honestly believe that the “ONLY” way to escape is to end your life. His conclusion was very interesting and foreseeable, 8401992918_c457febed4_zI quote from (#3)… “It is further my opinion that clinical depression and suicide are a foreseeable consequences of a school district’s failure to constrain a known bully from victimizing other students. Then we hear the side not heard often, it’s in fact rare that a “Bully” will admit to his wrong doing, to acknowledge and except responsibility for the pain and suffering he has inflicted on another. He also made a statement that I certainly concur with “Because of these factors, Jared High was unable to resist the impulse to end his suffering through suicide”.
In closing: the Christian’s final words are: “Let’s speak up Let’s be the good voice of God in a culture who needs to hear that God is good, that God loves them, that we love them… and that we’re not going to be silent. Not anymore, Not today, Let’s speak up”.
The Political Informer ended by saying: “I would say to many…Stand up and Speak out…..~ God bless and good luck”
The Doctor finished with: “It is my professional opinion that Jared High’s state of mind at the time of his suicide was distorted and irrational, that his thinking at the time was characterized by feelings of hopelessness and ‘tunnel vision’ such that he could see no alternatives”.
The Bully Finished with: “Sometimes it’s the little things. So, from one bully to another: level up. Be a better person. Because the alternative is good for no one”.
I will just add that if you are being Bullied, or a survivor, speak up and Speak LOUD, it’s your only defense against the “Silent Killer”
I’m sure we all know who Kathy Griffin is? she has also added her opinion, and a great one I might add, watch and see who’s hands she believes are covered in the Blood of all the kids that have died at the hands of “BULLYING” lotsa luv… my friends

Yellow line

Related Articles:
Conservative Government Rejects “National Bullying Prevention Strategy”
Will We Speak Up or Be Silent (#4)
Will We Speak Up or Be Silent (#3)
Will We Speak Up or Be Silent? (#2)
Will We Speak Up or Be Silent? (#1)
Experiences with Bullies
PrideEmpower Shape for Teens

EYE CATCHERS is B.P’s new online Webstore, stop by and like us.
EYE CATCHERS is B.P’s new online Webstore, stop by and like us.

Will We Speak Up or Be Silent (#4)

silent killerTerry  KindenWell it’s been a couple of busy days but back to our blogger’s enquiry, we last heard the point of view from Dr. Alan L. Berman to answer the blogger’s question and concern, “Will We Speak Up or Be Silent”? highlighted below, our first point of view we heard from a Christian “Jesus Needs New PR” , our second point of view comes from a political stand point, “The Political Informer” now lets look at a “Bully’s” point of view as he explains his experience as a Bully, which I found to be very interesting as well By Ryan Legg. His view or opinion, yet another from society’s prospective. As we continue to try and answer your question with number 4 of 5,..…and “the blogger wrote”: “With so many cases of bullying going on, I wonder if I should share my story as well…But I am unsure. Does reading about others who were bullied help to create a sense of care and community…or does it make those being bullied right now feel even worse to see that it has always been going on? I don’t want to make anyone upset, I want to let them know they’re not alone”.Yellow lineimages (1)Confessions of a Former Bully My name is Ryan, and I’m a bully. Actually, it might be more accurate to say that I was a bully, but really, bullying is a lot like smoking—you’re never an ex-bully, you’re just one who doesn’t. I don’t have any good excuses—there aren’t any good excuses—but I have some reasons. Of course, everyone has reasons. Mine tick all the usual boxes: strict military dad; lots of moving around; divorced parents; mentally ill mother—we could be here all day. Point is, I was a tall, angry kid with a bad handle on my physical strength and some lousy coping mechanisms. Not an awesome combination. Hate__by_idlemickeyI got lucky in two ways: 1) I read a lot of stories, and 2) before she was sick, my mom had this whole big thing about not beating other kids bloody. Stories are empathy-training. Stories literally shove you inside someone else’s head, dress you up in their issues, and if the writing is good, make you like it. Stories are an early inoculation against impending jackassery because they introduce you to the idea of what it’s like to be other people. It’s a lot harder to kick someone into the dirt when you’ve just read, for example, Tamora Pierce’s Protector of the Small series, which is all about a young girl wanting to be the world’s first female knight against incredible odds. Does she get bullied? You bet, by kids and adults and the whole culture. Does she fight back? Oh, yes. Does she take her personal strength and use it to help other people? Check out the title. Hello, healthy example of how to channel aggressive energy. (Also, kickass female-identified protagonists are awesome. I’m just putting that out there.) So there was that, and then there was the mom thing. One specific incident always comes to mind when I think about the wee horror I used to be when I was a kid. I have a baby brother, eighteen months younger than I am, and we used to tear strips off each other. He had a smart mouth, 15_bullyingI had a short temper—and, well, brothers. But I was bigger, stronger, and I had no brakes. I don’t remember exactly what he did to set me off, but I do remember going at him with the intent to inflict serious damage. I wanted to hurt him, the little bastard, because—because—Yeah, no good reason. He’d insulted my stuffed toys, maybe. Who knows. Either way, he was bleeding and screaming before my mom got to us and wrenched me off, and then I was screaming. Full on rage-fit of thwarted fury and thrashing, flinging myself about because I hate him, I hate him so much, mom, what are you doing, let me go, I have to hurt him, I hate you, too—It’s amazing how much anger a tiny body can hold. So, I think I was about… seven, maybe? Eight. Somewhere in the region of old enough to know better, but this is what my mom did: she held me. Sat us both down with her back to the hallway wall, wrapped her arms around my arms, hooked her leg over my legs, and held on tight. Waited me out. Until I’d blown through screaming into crying—well, sobbing, because, y’know, seven—and past that, fading down into an exhausted little heap of snot and hiccuping silence. And then she talked to me about emotions, specifically anger. I don’t remember the word-for-word byplay, but I still have the gist, which runs something like this: emotions are big and sometimes scary, often confusing, occasionally totally overwhelming, but everyone has them, and we learn to deal with them, and it’s never okay to be a little dickbag and try to skin your younger brother. I’m paraphrasing slightly here.
923226_466327313452370_986655360_nBut her basic point was 1) find your triggers, 2) figure out how to unhook from them, and 3) put on your big boy pants and learn better coping mechanisms. Which is probably about the point I burst into tears again, because, y’know, seven. Anyway. My parents split up when I was twelve, and my mom got sick soon after (schizophrenia: fun for no one), and I lost hold of her strategy somewhere in the wreckage. Puberty hit, along with all the confusion of sexual identity and gender, plus more moving, and I picked up some spectacularly poor coping mechanisms, I cannot even tell you. People say that bullying comes from jealousy. They’re wrong. Bullying comes from two sources: privilege or pain. Often both. Simple math: if it’s hell inside your head, if your life is falling down around you in big broken pieces, it’s easier to grab that chaos and spread it around with a shovel than to actually deal with it. To smoke and drink, do drugs, have sex with the wrong people, use words like a weapon, punch your knuckles raw—make bad life choices. Hurt other people, just because you can. There’s catharsis in taking a chunk out of someone, body or soul. The problem being, if you take enough chunks, you end up doing this to someone:

Or worse. There are hundreds of stories out there. They’re easy to find. I have a friend who likes to say that achieving personal enlightenment is like leveling up. If you take a long, hard look at yourself, work to process your issues—everyone has issues, there’s no shame in it—and get a little bit better, a little bit more healthy, congrats! You’ve unlocked an adult achievement. Bonus points for you. I’m twenty-four now, which is pretty much adult-shaped, and I’ve learned better coping mechanisms for anger. I write; I listen to angry music; I read dark fiction. I vent at length to good friends who are patient enough to listen to me. I take advice. I did therapy for a little while, which was its whole own thing. I go to the gym and thrash myself out on punishing equipment. I find art that speaks to me — seriously, get into art, there’s a lot out there and it’s awesome. Mostly I try to educate myself, because I’d actually like to be a decent human being. And the thing about catharsis at the cost of someone else’s mental health is that it never lasts. It really doesn’t. It just gives you another reason to hate yourself.
Anti_BullyingThis week is GLAAD’s anti-bullying lead up to Spirit Day on Friday, October 19th, when lots of cool people will be wearing purple to show support for LGBTQI youth. I don’t own anything purple, it turns out, so I went into the city today to buy a purple bandana because I am absolutely okay with looking like a massive dork for a good cause.
Sometimes it’s the little things. So, from one bully to another: level up. Be a better person. Because the alternative is good for no one.

Related Articles:
– Will We Speak Up or Be Silent (#5)
Empower Shape for TeensPride

We connect you with advertisers who are willing to pay you cash for your participation in their offers. B.P Affiliate.
We connect you with advertisers who are willing to pay you cash for your participation in their offers. B.P Affiliate.

Will We Speak Up or Be Silent (#3)

silent killerTerry  KindenNow we find our quest takes us to Dr. Alan L. Berman to answer the blogger’s question and concern, “Will We Speak Up or Be Silent”? highlighted below, our first point of view we heard from a Christian “Jesus Needs New PR” , our second point of view comes from a political stand point, “The Political Informer” now lets look at a Doctor as he explains the connection between Mental Health and Bullying and his answer(s) or opinion, yet another from society’s prospective. As we continue to try and answer your question with number 3 of 5, Have a great weekend everyone lotsa luv…and “the blogger wrote”: “With so many cases of bullying going on, I wonder if I should share my story as well…But I am unsure. Does reading about others who were bullied help to create a sense of care and community…or does it make those being bullied right now feel even worse to see that it has always been going on? I don’t want to make anyone upset, I want to let them know they’re not alone”.Yellow line3DECLARATION OF DR. ALAN L. BERMAN (As part of the lawsuit against the Pasco School District, it had to be proven, or argued, that Jared became depressed as a result of bullying and an assault by another student at McLoughlin Middle School. Dr. Berman was retained and paid to give his professional opinion to support our case. (Below is his report.) Alan L. Berman hereby declares, under penalty of perjury, as follows: Jared-High-remember-the-angels-29402246-336-449“My professional practice and study has focused on the subject of suicide for at least 25 years. Throughout that time, I have been particularly interested in the causes and prevention of adolescent suicide, including suicides of young people in Jared High’s age range. I have testified in trials and depositions throughout the United States, in both state and federal courts, as an expert in suicide. A frequent task for me in such cases is to form an expert opinion on the causal relationship between a given event and an individual’s suicide, and I have testified as an expert on that subject on numerous occasions. A substantial portion of my time is and has for years been working clinically with suicidal patients, including young people and adolescents. “I have interviewed Jared High’s parents, older sister, …adult leader of Jared’s Boy Scout Troop… …Jared’s schoolmates… …medical doctor, father of a girl Jared was rumored to have some sort of relationship with at HMS briefly before his death…. “…The following are my professional opinions, within a reasonable degree of psychological certainty, based upon my training, education, experience and study of the psychology of suicide and my investigations in this case:”Jared High did not exhibit the symptoms of clinical depression prior to the May 6, 1998 incident with Andrew S. at McLoughlin Middle School and its subsequent disciplinary aftermath. In the weeks and months following, however, Jared High developed the symptoms of a major depressive episode. jared-highBy the nature of the diagnosis, a major depressive episode develops over time. By September, 1998, Jared High had a diagnosable condition of clinical depression. In my opinion, the May 6, 1998 physical altercation at the hands of Andrew S. and the subsequent discipline of Jared High by McLoughlin Middle School Vice Principal L.A. are significant causal factors in the development of that depression, such that it is unlikely that Jared would have developed that depression and the impulse to commit suicide if those events had not occurred. “It is my professional opinion that Jared High’s state of mind at the time of his suicide was distorted and irrational, that his thinking at the time was characterized by feelings of hopelessness and ‘tunnel vision’ such that he could see no alternatives. Such feelings and thoughts are a direct result of processes over which Jared High had no volitional control, based in both the biological and psychological roots of his depression. Because of these factors, Jared High was unable to resist the impulse to end his suffering through suicide. “It is further my opinion that clinical depression and suicide are a forseeable consequences of a school district’s failure to constrain a known bully from victimizing other students. This is not just my opinion, but is a view widely held among those who study suicide, based upon repeated scientific studies.Pride

Related Articles:
Will We Speak Up or Be Silent (#5)

Empower Shape for Teens
Geeks.com

Will We Speak Up or Be Silent? (#2)

silent killerTerry  Kinden To continue our quest to answer the blogger’s question and concern, “Will We Speak Up or Be Silent”? highlighted below, our first point of view we heard from a Christian “Jesus Needs New PR” , our second point of view comes from a political stand point, lets look at their answer(s) or opinion, another from society’s prospective. So lets continue to try and answer your question with number 2 of 5, from “The Political Informer”, “the blogger wrote”: “With so many cases of bullying going on, I wonder if I should share my story as well…But I am unsure. Does reading about others who were bullied help to create a sense of care and community…or does it make those being bullied right now feel even worse to see that it has always been going on? I don’t want to make anyone upset, I want to let them know they’re not alone”.Yellow line The Political and Physical Side of Being Bullied by The Political Informerimages Girls picked on because they don’t fit in with the preconceived notions of popularity…Boys ostracized because they refuse to give up on their values, or fit in with the rather unintelligent group of muscle-flaunting dimwits….The stories are endless and disgusting. Take for instance, this one girl, Audrie Pott, who hanged herself after “being sexually battered while passed out at a party, and then humiliated by online photos of the assault” Or this guy, 15 year old Benji Backer who was bullied (and cussed at) by his teacher for being a conservative. Not only are both of these stories incredibly saddening (especially Audrie’s), but they both show different ends of the bullying spectrum. One side is based on how you act, and how you look….The other is what you believe, and what you support….Benji pointed out that teachers, and a large portion of the media, are against bullying homosexuals. As are many Conservatives and Libertarians. Yet Benji points out how hypocritical many of those in the media are. If teachers expect bullying to end with homosexuals, they should want it to end with every type of bullying possible, including political views. But as many of you have seen, and personally experienced, that is not always the case. Bullying-Versus-Free-SpeechBenji Backer was lucky. His bullying problem is actually being investigated by the school. What will come out of it is uncertain, but at least the problem is being acknowledged and investigated by the school principle. However, Audrie Pot had to take her life to bring her bullying to light. And that’s what kills me. Even though those responsible have been arrested it took the death of a high school girl to bring about that justice. Which I would argue is not justice. So now your filled with depression with some hatred and possibly a clenched fist. What can be done to end this you ask? For one, you can empower your children to take a stand against bullying. Group HugNone of that loving peace talk that many so called “experts” spread who have never even experienced being bullied. You take a stand by being strong. Which doesn’t always mean beating the snot out of the bully (which does work pretty well). One strategy you could use is by utilizing social media. Spread the word. Get a picture of the bully and then tell the world what kind of person that bully really is. The more people know that he or she is a no good sucking bully the more pressure will be put on him. This strategy could bring heat on you from the bully, but that’s when you get any buddy you can and make a stand. Standing against a bully is never easy, but it sure beats the heck out of “ignoring it.” As if that has ever worked out well. How many stories are out there of kids who have killed themselves because of bullying?
I would say to many…Stand up and Speak out…..~ God bless and good luck!

Related Articles:
Will We Speak Up or Be Silent (#5)

PrideEmpower Shape for Teens

*Get an audiobook of your choice, free, with a 30-day trial.
*Get an audiobook of your choice, free, with a 30-day trial.

Will We Speak Up or Be Silent? (#1)

silent killerTerry shadeOne blogger had a concern, highlighted below and I feel that we have to take a look at the answer(s) or opinions a little deeper and more closely, from society’s prospective. So lets try and answer your question with (5) opinions from you, the public, first lets take a look from a Christian’s point of view, “the blogger wrote”: “With so many cases of bullying going on, I wonder if I should share my story as well…But I am unsure. Does reading about others who were bullied help to create a sense of care and community…or does it make those being bullied right now feel even worse to see that it has always been going on? I don’t want to make anyone upset, I want to let them know they’re not alone”.Yellow line
red-number-1Matthew at “Jesus Needs New PR” wrote
Most of us have a bullying story–our story, a friend’s story, a family member’s story…I do. I went to a Christian school that boasted a high school (7th through 12th grade) of 40 students. Some years it was close to 30. Other years it was 42 or 43 students. But it was small. I was never one of the cool kids, even at a high school of uncool Christian kids. My uncoolest year was a toss-up between the tenth and the eleventh grade. I was a young looking 16. (I looked about 11-years-old.) I weighed roughly 109 pounds. (And that was while holding a large Bible with a concordance.) I was hairless. (Almost. I could count the strands of hairs under my arms with one hand. And I did that often, hoping God would answer my prayers for more.) I wore a brace around my back. (I have scoliosis. When I was 4, I started wearing a brace between 16 and 23 hours a day to control my spine’s curve.) Oh, and on occasions when I answered the phone, there was a 66% chance that I would be incorrectly identified as one of my sisters or the wrong number of a female stranger. So I was teased. A lot. I was shoved into lockers. My books got knocked out of my arms at least twice a week. Sometimes it was just one student. Sometimes others joined the teasing. On three occasions, a teacher joined the fun, too. Often those who called me “friend” avoided taking up for me because they feared the retaliation. And you know what? I didn’t blame them for doing that. In addition to getting put in lockers (and etc…), I was called names. Some of the names 1013528_476078655806652_361582934_nI was called included: Sissy. Fairy. Faggot. Queer. Penis lover. A couple of the names I got called I can’t reprint. On many evenings I’d lie in my bed at night and cry myself to sleep. And then I’d get mad at myself for caring. I was too embarrassed to tell my parents what was happening. And feared that it would become worse if I had. I was insecure so I blamed their teasing on myself. On a few occasions, I was scared to go to school. And while I never attempted to hurt myself or even make plans to hurt myself, I did occasionally wish I was dead. In no way am I trying to sensationalize my story. And I’m certainly not trying to suggest that my experiences are equal to those of others. Compared to many people I know my story is tame. 9747But I’m writing about my experience because bullying is in the news. “Again”. As you know… this time bullying is back in the news because several recent students (high school and college) known to be gay, bisexual, lesbian, or transgender have committed suicide. It’s believed that teasing and bullying and other forms of mental and emotional abuse (and sometimes physical abuse) played a role of some kind in the students decisions to take their own lives. Because it got that bad. Because they felt that lost. Or ashamed. or hopeless. They had nowhere else to turn. Nowhere. And most of them probably wouldn’t have considered running to a church to find hope… or going to a Christian to find acceptance…Celebrities, communicators, politicians, and other high profile names are on a campaign to let LGBT students know that they are not alone, that they don’t have to hide or feel shame or exist in fear. What a beautiful message. And I hope it’s not simply a gimmick. I hope it lasts; I hope the noise becomes loud enough that it’s difficult for people to forget, that it’s impossible for us to forget…Are any Christians willing to stand up alongside these other voices and speak out against the bullying of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender students? I know some Christians have spoken up. But not many. Not many at all. And very few big names. Why? (I know why. Or I think I know why.) But why? Really. WHY?Yellow line
throns of ChristAnd why should Christians be speaking up? Because we love people. Because we stand up for the broken. Because that’s what we do, right? Or that’s what we’re supposed to do…And let’s face it; we as a group or population or “American religion” need to own some of the hate that GLBT students experience. Yes. Own it. All across this country, every single day, students who identify as GLBT are experiencing hate, being bullied, getting teased, or being treated unkindly… and some of those situations are our fault.
Because of our theologies. Because of our sermons. Because of what we say from our pulpits. Because of what we don’t say from our pulpits. Because of the way we have treated people who identify as GLBT. Because of the way we haven’t treated people who identify as GLBT. It’s not all our fault. But some of it is. Our history… Our track record… Our judgments….So…Are we going to remain silent like we don’t hear the media? Like we’re not paying attention? Like we can’t hear them? Are we really going to do that? Really?
Because doesn’t the God we worship love all people? Isn’t it our Christian message–you know, the one that says “God loves you no matter what!”–the only way that a student can truly NEVER be alone? (Isn’t that what we believe?)
And rather than shouting that message at the top of our lungs during a time when it needs to be heard loudly by a group of people being bullied at high schools and colleges all across the country… most/some of us have chosen silence.Silence. Why? THE POWERBecause like my friends who wouldn’t stand up for me, many of us are fearful of the consequences that may occur if do stand up… we’re afraid of what people will say… we’re afraid that people will question our theologies… or question our beliefs…And some of us just don’t really care…Let’s not be silent. Let’s speak out against those who make fun of people for being gay or lesbian. Let’s teach our children to love people–ALL PEOPLE–no matter of their race, religion, or sexual orientation. As people of influence–any influence–let’s stand up against hate and for the oppressed! Let’s speak up. Let’s be the good voice of God in a culture who needs to hear that God is good, that God loves them, that we love them… and that we’re not going to be silent. Not anymore, Not today, Let’s speak up. mia4 (2)empower-meB.P's WebstoreHotels.comEYE CATCHERS is B.P’s new online Webstore, our Affiliates include: Kmart, Virgin Mobile USA, Hotels.com, CyberLink, TrustedID, Roxio, Expedia, Kaspersky Anti-Virus, 101 inks.com and End of Retail just to name a few. Remember proceeds to non-profit Anti-Bullying Organizations so stop by and like our webstore or explore and shop a little, you can now click these images and be directly linked to the secure page, have a great day and stay safe. Don’t forget to share and tell your friends because the end of Bullying starts with you…cheers.

Related Articles:
Will We Speak Up or Be Silent (#5)

10787333