Adult Bully’s “The Five Types”

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I am re-blogging this post which I origanally posted Feb 21, 2013, as there are others that need re-posting as well, this being the first. “Adult Bully’s The Five Types”, the one we are dealing with 90% of the time is number one, The Narcissistic Adult Bully, please read the description below: “You may not hear a lot about adult bullying, but it is a problem. Read this article to learn more about different types of adult bullies and get some ideas on how to deal with an adult bully. Adult bullying is a serious problem and may require legal action. One would think that as people mature and progress through life, that they would stop behaviors of their youth. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Sadly, adults can be bullies, just as children and teenagers can be bullies. While adults are more likely to use verbal bullying as opposed to physical bullying, the fact of the matter is that adult bullying exists. The goal of an adult bully is to gain power over another person, and make himself or herself the dominant adult. They try to humiliate victims, and “show them who is boss.” There are several different types of adult bullies, and it helps to know how they operate:

  1. Narcissistic Adult Bully
  2. first-place

    This type of adult bully is self-centered and does not share empathy with others. Additionally, there is little anxiety about consequences. He or she seems to feel good about him or herself, but in reality has a brittle narcissism that requires putting others down.

  3. Impulsive Adult Bully:
  4. 2nd-place

    Adult bullies in this category are more spontaneous and plan their bullying out less. Even if consequences are likely, this adult bully has a hard time restraining his or her behavior. In some cases, this type of bullying may be unintentional, resulting in periods of stress, or when the bully is actually upset or concerned about something unconnected with the victim.

  5. Physical Bully:
  6. third4While adult bullying rarely turns to physical confrontation, there are, nonetheless, bullies that use physicality. In some cases, the adult bully may not actually physically harm the victim, but may use the threat of harm, or physical domination through looming. Additionally, a physical bully may damage or steal a victim’s property, rather than physically confronting the victim.

  7. Verbal Adult Bully:
  8. 4thWords can be quite damaging. Adult bullies who use this type of tactic may start rumors about the victim, or use sarcastic or demeaning language to dominate or humiliate another person. This subtle type of bullying also has the advantage – to the bully – of being difficult to document. However, the emotional and psychological impacts of verbal bullying can be felt quite keenly and can result in reduced job performance and even depression.

  9. Secondary Adult Bully:

2pm153-hr904-2This is someone who does not initiate the bullying, but joins in so that he or she does not actually become a victim down the road. Secondary bullies may feel bad about what they are doing, but are more concerned about protecting themselves. (Definitions courtesy of Bullying Statistics http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/)

Other Articles:

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Decreasing Juvenile Delinquency

prevention pre2prevention preOutside Class “He who opens a school door closes a prison.” –Victor Hugo

Welcome to the education edition of Prevention Perspectives! This eNewsletter is packed with tips and information about effective methods to decrease delinquency, the real dangers of cyberbullying, and more. We hope it helps you bring new ideas and refreshed hope to the New Year.

Supporting Students and Decreasing Juvenile Delinquency
The public school system in Kalamazoo, Michigan has a number of good reasons to believe that therapeutic alternatives to treating juvenile delinquency are effective, among them the 57% decrease in area juvenile arrests since 2008. Read more about how KPS’s multi-dimensional approach to keeping kids in school has played a role in decreased delinquency.

Want more ideas on keeping kids on track? Get helpful hints about behavior management.

Guidance for Creating a Positive School Climate
Can a positive school climate keep kids in school and out of trouble? US Secretary of Education Arne Duncan calls for a decrease in zero-tolerance policies and an increase in restorative practices and positive behavior supports. Watch his video and download the School Discipline Guidance Package prepared by the Departments of Education and Justice.

Socially Speaking
Head over to our Facebook page to grab the Promoting Safety on Campus eBook for your staff and clients.

Cyberbullies Are Real Bullies
Don’t believe in cyberbullying? That’s not uncommon, according to Delete Cyberbullying, an online organization dedicated to educating kids and parents about the real dangers of living in a connected world. Learning more about the organization is a great first step toward taking a stand against digital harassment—and students can apply for a scholarship in the process!

Related Articles:
Archives: Prevention Perspectives
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The Bullying Basics: Facts, Tips, and Help for Kids

kids-safe-playground-106677930cpi2013-logo-headerpp-header-top-2013-05-23As a parent, how do you help ensure your kid’s school and community are safe?

It’s important that children understand the different kinds of bullying and why people bully. eSchoolToday provides information and resources in their “Your Basic Facts & Tips on Bullying” lesson that go far beyond the basics. Kids also learn how they can prevent, cope with, and handle the effects of bullying, even if they’re just witnesses to the event.

eSchoolToday has tips for parents, too. One suggestion is for parents to develop a simple plan with their kids, empowering them to work on the issue. Another is to find out the school policies, including if there are anger or emotional management classes for kids.

For more help, our School Bullying Resources and References page is dedicated to helping prevent and control school and youth bullying, such as 10 Ways to Help Reduce Bullying in Schools. CPI_logo-75x75In addition, we offer a Bullying Behaviors refresher option for CPI Certified Instructors in your school district. What suggestions do you have for helping keep your children, school, and community safe?
Oh and don’t forget your free Bullying Prevention Resources Guide also from our trusted friends at CPI . empower-me

7 Ways To Protect Yourself If Your Boss Is a Bully

Steps you can take to stop being a victim of workplace bullying
1823869_370Last week, I answered a question from a “used and abused” reader who was facing a workplace bully. I talked about five ways that your workplace bully might be breaking the law. Today, I’ll tell you some things you can do, starting today, to protect yourself if your boss is a bully.
Here are seven things you can do, starting today, to protect yourself if your boss is a bully:
1. CYA: If your boss tells you to do things, then denies it later, document everything. If she tells you, for instance, to do something you know violates company policy, send her an email along these lines: “This will confirm your instruction that you want me to do XYZ even though this would normally be contrary to Policy No. 123. Unless you advise me that this is incorrect by (insert a time), I will follow your instruction forthwith.”
2. Don’t be insubordinate: If the bully tries to bait you, don’t react. Be calm. He’s trying to get uyou to do something stupid so he can say you were insubordinate. As much as you want to grab him by the collar, don’t do it. If he orders you to do something, even if it’s demeaning, do it (unless it’s unsafe or illegal). Then document it. Use it as evidence if you figure out that he’s engaging in discrimination or something else illegal.
3. Keep track of the bullying targets: While bullying at work isn’t illegal in any state, workplace bullies are just like the old playground bullies. Who do bullies target? The weak and the different. If your coworkers and you (or just you) are being targeted because of race, age, sex, religion, national origin, pregnancy, disability, taking Family and Medical Leave, making a worker’s compensation claim or some other protected category, then the bully is breaking the law.
4. Safety in numbers: Let’s say the bully isn’t doing anything illegal, like discrimination. If jby0295lhe’s picking on coworkers too (and you aren’t a supervisor yourself) then you are allowed to discuss working conditions with coworkers. The National Labor Relations Act protects most non-government employees against retaliation for these discussions with coworkers. You’re also protected against retaliation if a group of coworkers gets together to complain about working conditions. If you complain on your own behalf as well as at least one other coworker, you are probably protected against retaliation even if you aren’t protected when you complain for yourself alone. So get together and write a complaint to HR signed by the bully’s targets. It will possibly go in his personnel file and might even get the company to take some action.
5. Complain so you’re protected: If you’re alone, and you still want to complain, make sure you complain about something the bully is doing that’s illegal. For example, if you’ve figured out that she’s targeting older employees, then call it a “Formal Complaint of Age Discrimination.” Put it in writing and lay out all the evidence you have of ways younger employees are favored over older employees, ways older employees are targeted for discipline that younger employees don’t get, age-related comments, promotions going to younger employees, anything you have that makes your point. Don’t focus on “unfair treatment” or bullying. Focus on what’s illegal. That way you’ll be legally protected against retaliation.
6. Don’t quit without having a job: If the bully is intolerable, then leave, but do it when you jfa0007lhave something lined up. Don’t let a bully force you out of a job you need to support your family and you. Because discrimination against the unemployed is still legal in most states, it’s easier to get a job if you have a job.
7. Start looking: It may seem obvious, but I can’t tell you how many people come to me after they were fired, and they’d been tortured for years. I ask why they didn’t get the heck out of there and they look at me funny. Sometimes, if a boss is abusive, the bully can convince you nobody would hire you, and that you’re worthless. They’re wrong. Don’t wait until you’re fired. Leave on your own terms, not the bully’s.
With a little preparation, you can survive a bully and even come out on top of a workplace bullying situation.

Related Articles:
Help ‘Spread the Net’ and make a difference
Third of Five Freedoms for Freedom from Workplace Bullies Week
Canadian Society for Social Development
A Standard for Psychological Health and Safety in the Workplace
How workplace bullying affects targeted persons.
Majority (59%) of Canadian Adults Have Been Bullied During Childhood and Teenage Years
Workplace Bullying: A Victim’s Story
What Happened?
Archives: Workplace Bullyingempower-me

Cyberbullying Prevention: Creating a Culture of Respect

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educate, empower, enrich
educate, empower, enrich
CPI_logo-75x75Cyberbullying Prevention: How can you help kids deal with cyber-bullying when social media is 24/7? Click http://bit.ly/cybull to get tips and resources now. Bullying among children has seen a dramatic change in the last 10 years. With powerful communications devices at their fingertips and the proliferation of popular social media channels, children and students now have access to each other 24-hours-a-day. New technology presents new possibilities for bullies. And it presents new challenges for teachers and parents in dealing with bullying that isn’t as easily and quickly identified. While the face of bullying has changed, there are still ways to help students and children deal with bullying, regardless of the bully’s tactics. Learn more about Cyberbullying and how to effectively meet this unfortunate challenge when it arises. school-bullying-prevention-resources-guide_108WEye catchers.2JPGRead the article “Cyber Bullying: Creating a Culture of Respect in a Cyber World,” written by Susan Keith and Michelle E. Martin. Get your free Bullying Prevention Resources Guide! email2010nciempower-me

Bullying At Work Worse Than Gender, Racial Harassment

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CPI educate, empower, enrich
CPI educate, empower, enrich
Just as Ontario passed a new bill making workplace harassment illegal, new research from Queen’s University’s School of Business indicates that workplace bullying can be more damaging than racial or gender harassment. “While ethnic harassment and gender harassment can both be attributed to prejudice, general workplace harassment is a subtle form of mistreatment that masks underlying motives, and is not as easily attributed to bias,” say report authors Jana Raver of Queen’s School of Business and Lisa Nishii of Cornell University, Caucasians reported higher levels of general workplace harassment than minorities, and women were not more likely than men to experience either gender harassment or general workplace harassment. CPI_logo-75x75Raver and Nishii also found that general workplace harassment may be especially detrimental because unlike gender and ethnic harassment, it is not illegal in most of North America. A study released by Queen’s University in 2008 also found workplace harassment to be more harmful than sexual harassment because of a lack of recourse for victims. Bill 168, which came into effect in Ontario in July 2010, requires employers to develop and communicate workplace violence prevention policies, assess the risks of workplace violence, and take reasonable precautions to protect workers from domestic violence in the workplace. Ontario was the third province to legislate against workplace violence and harassment, along with Quebec and Saskatchewan.
CPI_logo-75x75The Queen’s University study looked at more than 735 employees from a range or organizations and occupations over a period of four weeks. Participants completed the measures of harassment and demographics in the first survey and then completed measures of job attitudes, turnover intentions, psychological well-being and health in the second survey four weeks later. The results were published in the March 2010 Journal of Applied Psychology.
Don’t forget to grab your free Bullying Prevention Resources Guide.email2010nciempower-me

Workplace Bullying: Questions and Answers

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Don’t forget to grab your free Bullying Prevention Resources Guide.

CPI educate, empower, enrich
CPI educate, empower, enrich
Questions and Answers
Q: Can I get the examples that the speaker shared that describe the four levels of the Workplace Bullying Continuum?
A: You can watch the recorded webinar for additional information regarding workplace bullying. Additionally, please keep in mind that, while they are referred to as levels, the categories of bullying behavior simply offer a way to structure our thinking. Workplace bullying may or may not involve more than one of the category levels.
CPI_logo-75x75Q: Do you think that statements or bullying that occurs within social-media settings such as Facebook and Twitter will be grouped into workplace bullying?
A: Cyberbullying is defined as persistent and ongoing acts of incivility involving electronic information and communication technology (such as Facebook, Twitter, etc.). If statements made on social-media sites fit the definition of workplace bullying (repeated and ongoing acts of incivility with the intent to harm), then they probably fall into the category of bullying. Bullying behaviors can occur without actual spoken words.
CPI_logo-75x75Q: What is the best way to handle a long-term employee who consistently displays bullying behaviors? Her behavior is not new, but, as her new manager, would it be bullying on my part to discipline her actions even though they’ve been brushed under the rug in the past?
A: No. By virtue of the fact that an employee has agreed to work within an organization, that employee agrees to guidance and direction from leadership within the organization. However, if the guidance is persistently delivered disrespectfully and with an intent to cause emotional or physical harm to the employee, then it would be considered bullying. Keep in mind, however, that respectful correction or coaching from a supervisor is not bullying. Remember from the webinar slides—and you can review that section for more information—that bullying is NOT guidance or direction from authority figures.
CPI_logo-75x75Q: What strategies can you share for working with a person who displays bullying behaviors, but who does not perceive himself as a bully or as intimidating?
A: This brings us back to the importance of questions such as: Does the behavior meet the definition of bullying? Is it persistent and ongoing? Is there, on some level, intent to harm, whether or not the person exhibiting the behavior is aware of it? Does the person’s behavior align with the organization’s definition of bullying? That is why it is so important to have policies and procedures in place regarding bullying. If you need help getting started, please refer to our Workplace Bullying Prevention and Response Policies and Procedures Template.
CPI_logo-75x75Q: Could employees who are bullying others be given a disciplinary review for their actions?
A: Certainly, if they are violating an organization’s policies and procedures or code of conduct on expected workplace behavior. Also, in some jurisdictions, there is antibullying legislation; therefore, organizations within those jurisdictions may have other considerations to follow based on applicable laws. I have included three other webinar’s that might be of interest to you:
Employment contract1. Supporting all Students: Creating a Safe and Caring School Webinar
2. Create a Culture of Safety Webinar
3. Dementia Care: Challenges and Solutions Webinar
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Peer Support: One Way You Can Stop School Bullying

pp-header-top-2013-05-23bullying-interventionA key to preventing or stopping school bullying is to make sure your school has an easy-to-use and confidential reporting system in place. Reporting can help you track incidents and look for trends—and stop those patterns and trends in their tracks. Encourage your colleagues to report incidents they see or hear about. And because students witness bullying much more often than staff, peer support is essential to reducing the effects of bullying and harassment. While kids may not want to step in right when a friend or a classmate is being bullied, let them know that they can take a stand by reporting incidents anonymously.cpi2013-logo-headerFrisco Independent School District has launched an app that includes a bullying hotline for reporting peer abuse. The district has also produced a video featuring a group of students urging other kids not to be silent when they witness bullying—but to help other kids in need. CPI_logo-75x75It’s a great piece to share with your students and inspire them to take similar action. By Erin Harris | Posted on 09.04.2013. Don’t forget to grab your free Bullying Prevention Resources Guide, a great source of information and starting point…lotsa luv. empower-me

How To Save Yourself

5664941709197312About the bully:
SC1__The_Pink_Panther_by_DarkCobalt86“When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sand paper; They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end, you end up polished and they end up useless.” – Chris Colfer

Nothing’s forever…everything you experience, every hardship and ordeal is a part of a master-plan intended to teach you something, or lead you somewhere. As hard as today maybe it will end, and there will be a tomorrow to look forward to. You just need the foresight and faith to see it.
Life is a fight, but not everyone’s a fighter. Otherwise, bullies would be an endangered species.” –Andrew Vachss
Fighting doesn’t have to be with your fist or mouth; the strongest battle is one where you use your mind- any idiot can use his hands, but what matters in the end is what you do with your head.
“The common mistake that bullies make is assuming that because someone is nice that he or she is weak. Those traits have nothing to do with each other. In fact, it takes considerable strength and character to be a good person.” – Mary Elizabeth Williams
Who’s stronger? – The person who goes through bad experiences and can still see the good in life despite of it or the person who can’t control their impulses and imposes them on others?
– “Bullying consists of the least competent most aggressive employee projecting their incompetence on to the least aggressive most competent employee and winning.” – Tim Field
It’s all about how you define yourself– you can be the weak onne who was to busy wasting their life on petty endeavors (a sure turnout for 90% of bullies) or the person who actually made something out of themselves in the process.1
-“If there are no heroes to save you, then you be the hero” – Denpa Kyoshi
Don’t expect others to come to your rescue, everyone’s too occupied with their own problems; if you can still muster the strength to help yourself or others despite that, then you’ll be a true hero in every sense of the word.

– “Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” – Judy Garland
It’s good to evolve and want to change yourself for the better; but it can’t be for the sake of others- think long and hard if you’re doing something because others will accept you better, or because it genuinely feels right, and know that the people in your life will change and come and go; but how you see yourself is here to stay.

– “It is our choices … that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” –panther J.K Rowling
It doesn’t matter if you can throw a wicked curve-ball; if it’s being aimed at someone, it doesn’t matter if you’re the star quarterback; if you do it to show off and rule others. At some point choices overpower abilities- and if you made the wrong ones, then even your abilities will fall into oblivion because you were dumb enough to abuse them.

– “Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.” – William James
Don’t lose faith. Promise yourself that you will be a success story, and I promise you that all the forces of the universe will unite to come to your aid; you might not feel today or for a while, but the longer you wait the bigger the prize.

– “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” – George Bernard Shaw
Work hard, give it all you got; and enjoy the show!

-“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime inPink-Panther_top your life.” –Winston Churchill
Know that throughout your life, not everyone will like you or wish you well- just because they want to- if you can manage to be a decent human in spite of them; not tainted and soiled by their wronging, then and only then you’ll have prevailed.

– “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
You will have good days and bad days, but you’re the only one who can let the bad ones control your life.

– “A lot of people are afraid to tell the truth, to say no. That’s where toughness comes into play. Toughness is not being a bully. It’s having backbone.” – Robert Kiyosaki
Don’t let them get the best of you, don’t let them break you- show them that you’re fearless and that it’s not about who can take the best swing; but who can stand tall in the end.

– “Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim” Tim Field
By portraying yourself as a victim, you’re being trapped as someone defenseless and weak- remind yourself that you’re not a victim but a survivor! And last of all; stay upbeat! No matter how hard It gets; keep your eye on the prize and focus on the future- remember that it gets better and nothing last forever. As long as you’re not blinded by bitterness or resentment

As long as you go to bed at night knowing that you did your part- you’ll win in the end.
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Prevention Perspectives

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September 4, 2013
September 4, 2013
Hello! This issue of Prevention Perspectives is packed with tips and information about creating a positive school climate, preventing bullying, making hospitals safer, and improving care for people with dementia. We hope these insights and strategies help you handle challenging behavior with care and success.
School Climate: Tips for Making Yours Awesome
If you’re a teacher or a principal, you’re probably thinking a lot about how to start the year off by creating a positive school climate. Here are three tips to help you do just that.
Hospital Safety: 4 Tips for De-Escalating Behaviors
“The more we can provide the individuals in our care with options, choices, flexibility, and collaboration in their daily lives, the easier everything becomes for all of us,” writes health care blogger Kendra Stea. Read more about hospital safety.
Teens With Autism: Bullying Prevention
Teenagers with autism are more likely to be bullied than younger children with autism, a new study determines. Find out what can help teens on the spectrum experience less bullying.
Get Your Free School Bullying Prevention Resources Guide
Download the Bullying Prevention Resources Guide and get resources for coordinating prevention efforts among staff, families, your school, and your community.
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The Benefits of CPI Trainingquote-2013-09-04
Interested in achieving results like this for your facility?
1. Find out about the three ways you can become certified to teach the Nonviolent Crisis Intervention® program to staff in your organization!
2. Learn more about our Nonviolent Crisis Intervention®, Prepare Training®, and Dementia Capable Care training programs.
3. Sign up for an upcoming CPI training program in your area.

Memory Care Consulting: Designing Meaningful and Therapeutic Activities
Check out a blog post and video about identifying activities that are meaningful to each person with dementia. Find out how to adapt the activities to help people with dementia engage more in therapy time and feel a greater sense of well-being.

The Meaning of Being Meritorious
Find out about three exceptional Certified Instructors who share with their colleagues the CPI method for positively changing care for those they support—from students to patients to clients. They’ve earned a place in our Hall of Merit.empower-me

Workplace Critical Incident Reporting Tool

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September 4, 2013
September 4, 2013
Does your facility have an effective method in place to track incidents? Incident tracking is critical. It helps care facility staff examine patterns of behavior, track potentially dangerous conditions, and document the facts for administrators and families. Incident tracking also ensures that proper follow-up action is taken to ensure the safety of everyone in your facility. CPI’s Critical Incident Reporting ToolYours Free! will help guide you through the documentation process and teach you how to write standardized incident reports. We’re offering the Critical Incident Reporting Tool free, so that you can begin to accurately and consistently document incidents in your facility. If we can provide you with additional information, please call 800.558.8976 or email info@crisisprevention.com CPI (Crisis Prevention Institute) 10850 W Park Place Ste 600, Milwaukee, Wisconsin 53224, US or you can visit there website here for more information.empower-meemail2010nci

The Psychological Path to Committing Suicide.

largeSuicide is hard to understand, especially when someone you love commits suicide. Discover the real reasons for suicide and how to help. It’s the sad truth that most don’t want to hear or see but it’s a reality that’s happening all around us, we cannot turn a blind eye any longer, so you first must understand and accept it for what it is and ask yourself, What is Suicide Really? Sure, according to a dictionary definition, suicide is when one voluntarily decides to take one’s life. But what is suicide? Outside of the dictionary, you want to know how suicide works. What progression does one follow when one commits suicide? Many years ago, a famous psychologist, Roy Baumeister, explained the progression toward suicide in the human mind. One does not simply decide to commit suicide; one is led to that decision by a series of prior events and decisions. See how Baumeister describes how suicide goes from ideas to action. This video takes a look at some of the young lives that was sadly taken away for reasons that could have been prevented.
1) Severe disappointment. What is suicide at its root? First, you experience severe disappointment. dealingwithdisappointmentYou set your standards, and your circumstances fall far below those expectations. Maybe it’s that your expectations were too high; maybe it’s that you’re just going through a lot of setbacks in your life. Regardless, you’re in the midst of severe disappointment. If you’re not careful, that disappointment can begin to fuel suicidal thoughts. Even before it is actually committing suicide, suicide is dangerous.Yellow line 2) Self-blame. Second, you blame itwasnotyourfaultyourself for all of the disappointment in your life. As a result of your miserable circumstances, you begin to “demonize” yourself, heaping the blame on your own shoulders. Part of this demonization means developing a deep hate for yourself, characterized by low self-esteem and self-worth. Self-blame is a big part of why suicide ruins a person.Yellow line 3) Self-absorption. Third, you become entirely 1378230_558034857583178_1714692656_nobsessed with your own inability to measure up to the standards that you have set up. You turn inward, shutting out those around you. When you face the pressure to commit suicide, your battle is not against the people in your life who have hurt you; it is against your perceptions of yourself.Yellow line 4) Depression and anxiety. Here, you experience images (4)what Baumeister calls “negative affect,” meaning that you experience negative emotions related to your disappointment. Severe depression or a sense of anxiety sets in. We use others’ standards to compare ourselves, and we experience deep anxiety when we fail to meet those expectations. This anxiety, too, can translate into suicidal thoughts.Yellow line 5) Cognitive deconstruction.
images (8)In this phase, your brain breaks down your life into easy-to-understand thoughts. This step of suicide involves an “escape from meaningful thought,” Baumeister argues. This is why suicide is so dangerous to contemplate—thinking about the big questions only reminds you of your depression, and so you enter a sort of “emotional deadness” instead. This deadness is a big part of how suicide progresses. Busywork often takes over as you work to avoid the pressing conflict within yourself. You busy yourself to quiet your thoughts about suicide.Yellow line 6) Disinhibition. What is suicide at this stage? AAdepressionFinally, now that your brain has turned off “deep” thoughts about how your death would affect those you love or how suicide may be “wrong,” your brain has finally accepted that to commit suicide may be your best escape from depression. In this step, you leap over the last psychological hurdles that stand between you and suicide.

Where Can You Turn for Hope? If you read through these steps and realize that you’re really in need depressionof help and someone to talk to, check out the link here. Now. There is reason for hope– your life is worth much more than you know. And there are people who want to help you get to a better place. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You’ve probably heard that before, but it bears repeating. Yes, it can take a little work to rediscover purpose and meaning in our lives. But the prize is worth the work. Keep fighting, friend. Know that you’re not alone.

Related Articles:
Being Kind
Meet The Archies
Gay Ottawa teen who killed himself was bullied
It Gets Better – In Memory of Jamie Hubley
“DEATH” via Suicidal Bullying
What Happened?
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Prevention is the cure

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writerMARIA TTOFI is a lecturer in psychological criminology and a research fellow at Wolfson College, Cambridge University. Her area of interest is school bullying and violence, focusing on developmental criminology and early intervention research, and experimental criminology including systematic and meta-analytic reviews. She was given an award for Bullying Abuse Prevention by the University at Buffalo SUNY last year and has been involved in two major research projects into school bullying and its ongoing effects.

When we talk about bullying, what do we mean?

We should differentiate between school bullying and different types of playful or reactive aggression. Victimisation without provocation is what we mean by bullying. It can be physical, verbal or relational. Relational bullying, like exclusion, can be even more torturing than physical bullying.
Cyberbullying is the new type of extended victimisation. With cyberbullying a child can always be a victim, even when he or she goes home. The abuse is potentially there all the time. It is a relatively new area of research, but certainly promising in terms of intervention because schoolteachers seem especially concerned by this new threat.

While it is obviously unpleasant to be bullied, does it necessarily matter in the long-term?

School bullying does not just go away once pupils finish school. Experiences of bullying at school are directly related to adverse outcomes later in life. I directed a British Academy project in collaboration with Professors Farrington and Lösel at the Institute of Criminology [at Cambridge University] on the long-term criminal and health outcomes of children involved in school bullying. This study showed that bullies are roughly twice as likely compared with non-involved students to commit violent and criminal offences later in life (up to about 6-7 years later on average). Bullies are also more likely to be excluded from school. Victims of bullying, on the other hand, are about 50% more likely to be depressed later in life. These findings were controlled for other major childhood risk factors, such as maternal depression and so on.

So addressing the problem might be seen as crime prevention?

Yes. Overall, prevention programmes are effective in reducing bullying and can interrupt the long-term link between school bullying and later adverse outcomes including crime and depression.

What kind of programmes are you talking about?

In simple terms kids need to feel okay with coming forward and letting teachers and parents know about their problem. A lot of research suggests that, quite often, parents and teachers are not aware of the child’s victimization. Restorative justice in schools is also interesting—a less formal approach in which the perpetrator and the victim are brought into the same room for a blame-free discussion. Then my research shows that more intensive, long-lasting programmes are more likely to be effective in reducing bullying and victimization, probably because time is needed for the creation of the right school ethos.

Some school bullies and victims do seem to be resilient against the detrimental impact of these early childhood experiences. We know, for example, based on results from the Cambridge Study in Delinquent Development that the percentage of school bullies at age 14 who were convicted for criminal offending up to age 50 was significantly smaller for those who came from families with a high family income compared to those from poor families.
We know for sure that children who are bullies are more likely to come from dysfunctional backgrounds. They are more likely to indicate that their fathers are cold and unemotional or that there is a lack of warmth in their family environment. We know they are more likely to have yelling in their home and problematic forms of interaction with their parents. Conversely, victims of school bullying tend to come from over-protective families. Maybe if you come from an over-protective family you aren’t able to develop your own personality, so you go to school lacking the basic social skills and become a target of school bullies.

What about video games?

A lot of research shows that playing aggressive video games that encourage violence as normal results in problem behaviour. Many anti-bullying programmes have used video games as an intervention so that they can get the games to work in the opposite way. I’ve been involved in the KiVa anti-bullying programme in Finland and they’ve included video games as a main element. 98% of victims involved in discussions with their schools’ KiVa teams felt that their situation had improved and the KiVa programme won the European Crime Prevention Award in 2009.

Is there less bullying if there is more discipline?

There is less bullying if there is more playground supervision. It has been suggested by Professor Peter Smith at Goldsmith’s that larger schools may facilitate bullying. We know bullying takes place especially during lunch breaks so perhaps in a larger school with less supervision we might see more of it. If it is true that you get more bullying when children are unsupervised it suggests that it is a natural thing that people do from some evolutionary point of view?
One may assume this—clearly some children may be more aggressive than others and future developments in neuroscience might show intrinsic aggression. However, awareness about the problem does reduce bullying. We have a lot of research to show that school bullying is not just something that occurs between the perpetrator and the victim. Other participants come into play. Christina Salmivalli did research into different roles in school bullying and how important bystanders are in encouraging or discouraging the behavior. It is not a dyadic relationship—we should have in mind the overall social framework of the children affected.empower-me