Adult Bully’s “The Five Types”

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I am re-blogging this post which I origanally posted Feb 21, 2013, as there are others that need re-posting as well, this being the first. “Adult Bully’s The Five Types”, the one we are dealing with 90% of the time is number one, The Narcissistic Adult Bully, please read the description below: “You may not hear a lot about adult bullying, but it is a problem. Read this article to learn more about different types of adult bullies and get some ideas on how to deal with an adult bully. Adult bullying is a serious problem and may require legal action. One would think that as people mature and progress through life, that they would stop behaviors of their youth. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Sadly, adults can be bullies, just as children and teenagers can be bullies. While adults are more likely to use verbal bullying as opposed to physical bullying, the fact of the matter is that adult bullying exists. The goal of an adult bully is to gain power over another person, and make himself or herself the dominant adult. They try to humiliate victims, and “show them who is boss.” There are several different types of adult bullies, and it helps to know how they operate:

  1. Narcissistic Adult Bully
  2. first-place

    This type of adult bully is self-centered and does not share empathy with others. Additionally, there is little anxiety about consequences. He or she seems to feel good about him or herself, but in reality has a brittle narcissism that requires putting others down.

  3. Impulsive Adult Bully:
  4. 2nd-place

    Adult bullies in this category are more spontaneous and plan their bullying out less. Even if consequences are likely, this adult bully has a hard time restraining his or her behavior. In some cases, this type of bullying may be unintentional, resulting in periods of stress, or when the bully is actually upset or concerned about something unconnected with the victim.

  5. Physical Bully:
  6. third4While adult bullying rarely turns to physical confrontation, there are, nonetheless, bullies that use physicality. In some cases, the adult bully may not actually physically harm the victim, but may use the threat of harm, or physical domination through looming. Additionally, a physical bully may damage or steal a victim’s property, rather than physically confronting the victim.

  7. Verbal Adult Bully:
  8. 4thWords can be quite damaging. Adult bullies who use this type of tactic may start rumors about the victim, or use sarcastic or demeaning language to dominate or humiliate another person. This subtle type of bullying also has the advantage – to the bully – of being difficult to document. However, the emotional and psychological impacts of verbal bullying can be felt quite keenly and can result in reduced job performance and even depression.

  9. Secondary Adult Bully:

2pm153-hr904-2This is someone who does not initiate the bullying, but joins in so that he or she does not actually become a victim down the road. Secondary bullies may feel bad about what they are doing, but are more concerned about protecting themselves. (Definitions courtesy of Bullying Statistics http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/)

Other Articles:

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Decreasing Juvenile Delinquency

prevention pre2prevention preOutside Class “He who opens a school door closes a prison.” –Victor Hugo

Welcome to the education edition of Prevention Perspectives! This eNewsletter is packed with tips and information about effective methods to decrease delinquency, the real dangers of cyberbullying, and more. We hope it helps you bring new ideas and refreshed hope to the New Year.

Supporting Students and Decreasing Juvenile Delinquency
The public school system in Kalamazoo, Michigan has a number of good reasons to believe that therapeutic alternatives to treating juvenile delinquency are effective, among them the 57% decrease in area juvenile arrests since 2008. Read more about how KPS’s multi-dimensional approach to keeping kids in school has played a role in decreased delinquency.

Want more ideas on keeping kids on track? Get helpful hints about behavior management.

Guidance for Creating a Positive School Climate
Can a positive school climate keep kids in school and out of trouble? US Secretary of Education Arne Duncan calls for a decrease in zero-tolerance policies and an increase in restorative practices and positive behavior supports. Watch his video and download the School Discipline Guidance Package prepared by the Departments of Education and Justice.

Socially Speaking
Head over to our Facebook page to grab the Promoting Safety on Campus eBook for your staff and clients.

Cyberbullies Are Real Bullies
Don’t believe in cyberbullying? That’s not uncommon, according to Delete Cyberbullying, an online organization dedicated to educating kids and parents about the real dangers of living in a connected world. Learning more about the organization is a great first step toward taking a stand against digital harassment—and students can apply for a scholarship in the process!

Related Articles:
Archives: Prevention Perspectives
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The Bullying Basics: Facts, Tips, and Help for Kids

kids-safe-playground-106677930cpi2013-logo-headerpp-header-top-2013-05-23As a parent, how do you help ensure your kid’s school and community are safe?

It’s important that children understand the different kinds of bullying and why people bully. eSchoolToday provides information and resources in their “Your Basic Facts & Tips on Bullying” lesson that go far beyond the basics. Kids also learn how they can prevent, cope with, and handle the effects of bullying, even if they’re just witnesses to the event.

eSchoolToday has tips for parents, too. One suggestion is for parents to develop a simple plan with their kids, empowering them to work on the issue. Another is to find out the school policies, including if there are anger or emotional management classes for kids.

For more help, our School Bullying Resources and References page is dedicated to helping prevent and control school and youth bullying, such as 10 Ways to Help Reduce Bullying in Schools. CPI_logo-75x75In addition, we offer a Bullying Behaviors refresher option for CPI Certified Instructors in your school district. What suggestions do you have for helping keep your children, school, and community safe?
Oh and don’t forget your free Bullying Prevention Resources Guide also from our trusted friends at CPI . empower-me

7 Ways To Protect Yourself If Your Boss Is a Bully

Steps you can take to stop being a victim of workplace bullying
1823869_370Last week, I answered a question from a “used and abused” reader who was facing a workplace bully. I talked about five ways that your workplace bully might be breaking the law. Today, I’ll tell you some things you can do, starting today, to protect yourself if your boss is a bully.
Here are seven things you can do, starting today, to protect yourself if your boss is a bully:
1. CYA: If your boss tells you to do things, then denies it later, document everything. If she tells you, for instance, to do something you know violates company policy, send her an email along these lines: “This will confirm your instruction that you want me to do XYZ even though this would normally be contrary to Policy No. 123. Unless you advise me that this is incorrect by (insert a time), I will follow your instruction forthwith.”
2. Don’t be insubordinate: If the bully tries to bait you, don’t react. Be calm. He’s trying to get uyou to do something stupid so he can say you were insubordinate. As much as you want to grab him by the collar, don’t do it. If he orders you to do something, even if it’s demeaning, do it (unless it’s unsafe or illegal). Then document it. Use it as evidence if you figure out that he’s engaging in discrimination or something else illegal.
3. Keep track of the bullying targets: While bullying at work isn’t illegal in any state, workplace bullies are just like the old playground bullies. Who do bullies target? The weak and the different. If your coworkers and you (or just you) are being targeted because of race, age, sex, religion, national origin, pregnancy, disability, taking Family and Medical Leave, making a worker’s compensation claim or some other protected category, then the bully is breaking the law.
4. Safety in numbers: Let’s say the bully isn’t doing anything illegal, like discrimination. If jby0295lhe’s picking on coworkers too (and you aren’t a supervisor yourself) then you are allowed to discuss working conditions with coworkers. The National Labor Relations Act protects most non-government employees against retaliation for these discussions with coworkers. You’re also protected against retaliation if a group of coworkers gets together to complain about working conditions. If you complain on your own behalf as well as at least one other coworker, you are probably protected against retaliation even if you aren’t protected when you complain for yourself alone. So get together and write a complaint to HR signed by the bully’s targets. It will possibly go in his personnel file and might even get the company to take some action.
5. Complain so you’re protected: If you’re alone, and you still want to complain, make sure you complain about something the bully is doing that’s illegal. For example, if you’ve figured out that she’s targeting older employees, then call it a “Formal Complaint of Age Discrimination.” Put it in writing and lay out all the evidence you have of ways younger employees are favored over older employees, ways older employees are targeted for discipline that younger employees don’t get, age-related comments, promotions going to younger employees, anything you have that makes your point. Don’t focus on “unfair treatment” or bullying. Focus on what’s illegal. That way you’ll be legally protected against retaliation.
6. Don’t quit without having a job: If the bully is intolerable, then leave, but do it when you jfa0007lhave something lined up. Don’t let a bully force you out of a job you need to support your family and you. Because discrimination against the unemployed is still legal in most states, it’s easier to get a job if you have a job.
7. Start looking: It may seem obvious, but I can’t tell you how many people come to me after they were fired, and they’d been tortured for years. I ask why they didn’t get the heck out of there and they look at me funny. Sometimes, if a boss is abusive, the bully can convince you nobody would hire you, and that you’re worthless. They’re wrong. Don’t wait until you’re fired. Leave on your own terms, not the bully’s.
With a little preparation, you can survive a bully and even come out on top of a workplace bullying situation.

Related Articles:
Help ‘Spread the Net’ and make a difference
Third of Five Freedoms for Freedom from Workplace Bullies Week
Canadian Society for Social Development
A Standard for Psychological Health and Safety in the Workplace
How workplace bullying affects targeted persons.
Majority (59%) of Canadian Adults Have Been Bullied During Childhood and Teenage Years
Workplace Bullying: A Victim’s Story
What Happened?
Archives: Workplace Bullyingempower-me

Cyberbullying Prevention: Creating a Culture of Respect

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educate, empower, enrich
educate, empower, enrich
CPI_logo-75x75Cyberbullying Prevention: How can you help kids deal with cyber-bullying when social media is 24/7? Click http://bit.ly/cybull to get tips and resources now. Bullying among children has seen a dramatic change in the last 10 years. With powerful communications devices at their fingertips and the proliferation of popular social media channels, children and students now have access to each other 24-hours-a-day. New technology presents new possibilities for bullies. And it presents new challenges for teachers and parents in dealing with bullying that isn’t as easily and quickly identified. While the face of bullying has changed, there are still ways to help students and children deal with bullying, regardless of the bully’s tactics. Learn more about Cyberbullying and how to effectively meet this unfortunate challenge when it arises. school-bullying-prevention-resources-guide_108WEye catchers.2JPGRead the article “Cyber Bullying: Creating a Culture of Respect in a Cyber World,” written by Susan Keith and Michelle E. Martin. Get your free Bullying Prevention Resources Guide! email2010nciempower-me

Bullying At Work Worse Than Gender, Racial Harassment

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CPI educate, empower, enrich
CPI educate, empower, enrich
Just as Ontario passed a new bill making workplace harassment illegal, new research from Queen’s University’s School of Business indicates that workplace bullying can be more damaging than racial or gender harassment. “While ethnic harassment and gender harassment can both be attributed to prejudice, general workplace harassment is a subtle form of mistreatment that masks underlying motives, and is not as easily attributed to bias,” say report authors Jana Raver of Queen’s School of Business and Lisa Nishii of Cornell University, Caucasians reported higher levels of general workplace harassment than minorities, and women were not more likely than men to experience either gender harassment or general workplace harassment. CPI_logo-75x75Raver and Nishii also found that general workplace harassment may be especially detrimental because unlike gender and ethnic harassment, it is not illegal in most of North America. A study released by Queen’s University in 2008 also found workplace harassment to be more harmful than sexual harassment because of a lack of recourse for victims. Bill 168, which came into effect in Ontario in July 2010, requires employers to develop and communicate workplace violence prevention policies, assess the risks of workplace violence, and take reasonable precautions to protect workers from domestic violence in the workplace. Ontario was the third province to legislate against workplace violence and harassment, along with Quebec and Saskatchewan.
CPI_logo-75x75The Queen’s University study looked at more than 735 employees from a range or organizations and occupations over a period of four weeks. Participants completed the measures of harassment and demographics in the first survey and then completed measures of job attitudes, turnover intentions, psychological well-being and health in the second survey four weeks later. The results were published in the March 2010 Journal of Applied Psychology.
Don’t forget to grab your free Bullying Prevention Resources Guide.email2010nciempower-me

Workplace Bullying: Questions and Answers

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Don’t forget to grab your free Bullying Prevention Resources Guide.

CPI educate, empower, enrich
CPI educate, empower, enrich
Questions and Answers
Q: Can I get the examples that the speaker shared that describe the four levels of the Workplace Bullying Continuum?
A: You can watch the recorded webinar for additional information regarding workplace bullying. Additionally, please keep in mind that, while they are referred to as levels, the categories of bullying behavior simply offer a way to structure our thinking. Workplace bullying may or may not involve more than one of the category levels.
CPI_logo-75x75Q: Do you think that statements or bullying that occurs within social-media settings such as Facebook and Twitter will be grouped into workplace bullying?
A: Cyberbullying is defined as persistent and ongoing acts of incivility involving electronic information and communication technology (such as Facebook, Twitter, etc.). If statements made on social-media sites fit the definition of workplace bullying (repeated and ongoing acts of incivility with the intent to harm), then they probably fall into the category of bullying. Bullying behaviors can occur without actual spoken words.
CPI_logo-75x75Q: What is the best way to handle a long-term employee who consistently displays bullying behaviors? Her behavior is not new, but, as her new manager, would it be bullying on my part to discipline her actions even though they’ve been brushed under the rug in the past?
A: No. By virtue of the fact that an employee has agreed to work within an organization, that employee agrees to guidance and direction from leadership within the organization. However, if the guidance is persistently delivered disrespectfully and with an intent to cause emotional or physical harm to the employee, then it would be considered bullying. Keep in mind, however, that respectful correction or coaching from a supervisor is not bullying. Remember from the webinar slides—and you can review that section for more information—that bullying is NOT guidance or direction from authority figures.
CPI_logo-75x75Q: What strategies can you share for working with a person who displays bullying behaviors, but who does not perceive himself as a bully or as intimidating?
A: This brings us back to the importance of questions such as: Does the behavior meet the definition of bullying? Is it persistent and ongoing? Is there, on some level, intent to harm, whether or not the person exhibiting the behavior is aware of it? Does the person’s behavior align with the organization’s definition of bullying? That is why it is so important to have policies and procedures in place regarding bullying. If you need help getting started, please refer to our Workplace Bullying Prevention and Response Policies and Procedures Template.
CPI_logo-75x75Q: Could employees who are bullying others be given a disciplinary review for their actions?
A: Certainly, if they are violating an organization’s policies and procedures or code of conduct on expected workplace behavior. Also, in some jurisdictions, there is antibullying legislation; therefore, organizations within those jurisdictions may have other considerations to follow based on applicable laws. I have included three other webinar’s that might be of interest to you:
Employment contract1. Supporting all Students: Creating a Safe and Caring School Webinar
2. Create a Culture of Safety Webinar
3. Dementia Care: Challenges and Solutions Webinar
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Peer Support: One Way You Can Stop School Bullying

pp-header-top-2013-05-23bullying-interventionA key to preventing or stopping school bullying is to make sure your school has an easy-to-use and confidential reporting system in place. Reporting can help you track incidents and look for trends—and stop those patterns and trends in their tracks. Encourage your colleagues to report incidents they see or hear about. And because students witness bullying much more often than staff, peer support is essential to reducing the effects of bullying and harassment. While kids may not want to step in right when a friend or a classmate is being bullied, let them know that they can take a stand by reporting incidents anonymously.cpi2013-logo-headerFrisco Independent School District has launched an app that includes a bullying hotline for reporting peer abuse. The district has also produced a video featuring a group of students urging other kids not to be silent when they witness bullying—but to help other kids in need. CPI_logo-75x75It’s a great piece to share with your students and inspire them to take similar action. By Erin Harris | Posted on 09.04.2013. Don’t forget to grab your free Bullying Prevention Resources Guide, a great source of information and starting point…lotsa luv. empower-me

How To Save Yourself

5664941709197312About the bully:
SC1__The_Pink_Panther_by_DarkCobalt86“When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sand paper; They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end, you end up polished and they end up useless.” – Chris Colfer

Nothing’s forever…everything you experience, every hardship and ordeal is a part of a master-plan intended to teach you something, or lead you somewhere. As hard as today maybe it will end, and there will be a tomorrow to look forward to. You just need the foresight and faith to see it.
Life is a fight, but not everyone’s a fighter. Otherwise, bullies would be an endangered species.” –Andrew Vachss
Fighting doesn’t have to be with your fist or mouth; the strongest battle is one where you use your mind- any idiot can use his hands, but what matters in the end is what you do with your head.
“The common mistake that bullies make is assuming that because someone is nice that he or she is weak. Those traits have nothing to do with each other. In fact, it takes considerable strength and character to be a good person.” – Mary Elizabeth Williams
Who’s stronger? – The person who goes through bad experiences and can still see the good in life despite of it or the person who can’t control their impulses and imposes them on others?
– “Bullying consists of the least competent most aggressive employee projecting their incompetence on to the least aggressive most competent employee and winning.” – Tim Field
It’s all about how you define yourself– you can be the weak onne who was to busy wasting their life on petty endeavors (a sure turnout for 90% of bullies) or the person who actually made something out of themselves in the process.1
-“If there are no heroes to save you, then you be the hero” – Denpa Kyoshi
Don’t expect others to come to your rescue, everyone’s too occupied with their own problems; if you can still muster the strength to help yourself or others despite that, then you’ll be a true hero in every sense of the word.

– “Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” – Judy Garland
It’s good to evolve and want to change yourself for the better; but it can’t be for the sake of others- think long and hard if you’re doing something because others will accept you better, or because it genuinely feels right, and know that the people in your life will change and come and go; but how you see yourself is here to stay.

– “It is our choices … that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” –panther J.K Rowling
It doesn’t matter if you can throw a wicked curve-ball; if it’s being aimed at someone, it doesn’t matter if you’re the star quarterback; if you do it to show off and rule others. At some point choices overpower abilities- and if you made the wrong ones, then even your abilities will fall into oblivion because you were dumb enough to abuse them.

– “Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.” – William James
Don’t lose faith. Promise yourself that you will be a success story, and I promise you that all the forces of the universe will unite to come to your aid; you might not feel today or for a while, but the longer you wait the bigger the prize.

– “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” – George Bernard Shaw
Work hard, give it all you got; and enjoy the show!

-“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime inPink-Panther_top your life.” –Winston Churchill
Know that throughout your life, not everyone will like you or wish you well- just because they want to- if you can manage to be a decent human in spite of them; not tainted and soiled by their wronging, then and only then you’ll have prevailed.

– “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
You will have good days and bad days, but you’re the only one who can let the bad ones control your life.

– “A lot of people are afraid to tell the truth, to say no. That’s where toughness comes into play. Toughness is not being a bully. It’s having backbone.” – Robert Kiyosaki
Don’t let them get the best of you, don’t let them break you- show them that you’re fearless and that it’s not about who can take the best swing; but who can stand tall in the end.

– “Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim” Tim Field
By portraying yourself as a victim, you’re being trapped as someone defenseless and weak- remind yourself that you’re not a victim but a survivor! And last of all; stay upbeat! No matter how hard It gets; keep your eye on the prize and focus on the future- remember that it gets better and nothing last forever. As long as you’re not blinded by bitterness or resentment

As long as you go to bed at night knowing that you did your part- you’ll win in the end.
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Prevention Perspectives

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September 4, 2013
September 4, 2013
Hello! This issue of Prevention Perspectives is packed with tips and information about creating a positive school climate, preventing bullying, making hospitals safer, and improving care for people with dementia. We hope these insights and strategies help you handle challenging behavior with care and success.
School Climate: Tips for Making Yours Awesome
If you’re a teacher or a principal, you’re probably thinking a lot about how to start the year off by creating a positive school climate. Here are three tips to help you do just that.
Hospital Safety: 4 Tips for De-Escalating Behaviors
“The more we can provide the individuals in our care with options, choices, flexibility, and collaboration in their daily lives, the easier everything becomes for all of us,” writes health care blogger Kendra Stea. Read more about hospital safety.
Teens With Autism: Bullying Prevention
Teenagers with autism are more likely to be bullied than younger children with autism, a new study determines. Find out what can help teens on the spectrum experience less bullying.
Get Your Free School Bullying Prevention Resources Guide
Download the Bullying Prevention Resources Guide and get resources for coordinating prevention efforts among staff, families, your school, and your community.
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The Benefits of CPI Trainingquote-2013-09-04
Interested in achieving results like this for your facility?
1. Find out about the three ways you can become certified to teach the Nonviolent Crisis Intervention® program to staff in your organization!
2. Learn more about our Nonviolent Crisis Intervention®, Prepare Training®, and Dementia Capable Care training programs.
3. Sign up for an upcoming CPI training program in your area.

Memory Care Consulting: Designing Meaningful and Therapeutic Activities
Check out a blog post and video about identifying activities that are meaningful to each person with dementia. Find out how to adapt the activities to help people with dementia engage more in therapy time and feel a greater sense of well-being.

The Meaning of Being Meritorious
Find out about three exceptional Certified Instructors who share with their colleagues the CPI method for positively changing care for those they support—from students to patients to clients. They’ve earned a place in our Hall of Merit.empower-me