Adult Bully’s “The Five Types”

bully-b-30-05-2013

I am re-blogging this post which I origanally posted Feb 21, 2013, as there are others that need re-posting as well, this being the first. “Adult Bully’s The Five Types”, the one we are dealing with 90% of the time is number one, The Narcissistic Adult Bully, please read the description below: “You may not hear a lot about adult bullying, but it is a problem. Read this article to learn more about different types of adult bullies and get some ideas on how to deal with an adult bully. Adult bullying is a serious problem and may require legal action. One would think that as people mature and progress through life, that they would stop behaviors of their youth. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Sadly, adults can be bullies, just as children and teenagers can be bullies. While adults are more likely to use verbal bullying as opposed to physical bullying, the fact of the matter is that adult bullying exists. The goal of an adult bully is to gain power over another person, and make himself or herself the dominant adult. They try to humiliate victims, and “show them who is boss.” There are several different types of adult bullies, and it helps to know how they operate:

  1. Narcissistic Adult Bully
  2. first-place

    This type of adult bully is self-centered and does not share empathy with others. Additionally, there is little anxiety about consequences. He or she seems to feel good about him or herself, but in reality has a brittle narcissism that requires putting others down.

  3. Impulsive Adult Bully:
  4. 2nd-place

    Adult bullies in this category are more spontaneous and plan their bullying out less. Even if consequences are likely, this adult bully has a hard time restraining his or her behavior. In some cases, this type of bullying may be unintentional, resulting in periods of stress, or when the bully is actually upset or concerned about something unconnected with the victim.

  5. Physical Bully:
  6. third4While adult bullying rarely turns to physical confrontation, there are, nonetheless, bullies that use physicality. In some cases, the adult bully may not actually physically harm the victim, but may use the threat of harm, or physical domination through looming. Additionally, a physical bully may damage or steal a victim’s property, rather than physically confronting the victim.

  7. Verbal Adult Bully:
  8. 4thWords can be quite damaging. Adult bullies who use this type of tactic may start rumors about the victim, or use sarcastic or demeaning language to dominate or humiliate another person. This subtle type of bullying also has the advantage – to the bully – of being difficult to document. However, the emotional and psychological impacts of verbal bullying can be felt quite keenly and can result in reduced job performance and even depression.

  9. Secondary Adult Bully:

2pm153-hr904-2This is someone who does not initiate the bullying, but joins in so that he or she does not actually become a victim down the road. Secondary bullies may feel bad about what they are doing, but are more concerned about protecting themselves. (Definitions courtesy of Bullying Statistics http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/)

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Evil Landlord #1

new-headerMe in da KitchenFirst I want to apologize, it seems I have missed a whole day, with moderating the sites and the start up of the new affiliate business, it’s been crazy busy getting the pages set up, and it’s not finished yet, and I have fallin behind on my readings, but I will get to them. This post will be yet another addition to “My Story”, I want to take you back to Sept 4, 2009, I was living in Mississauga, Ontario and still working at horror hell “SunGard”. It was sort of their last ditch effort to get rid of me, SunGard that is, any way the story begins with a friend appearing at my door late June of 2009. After a couple of weeks went by I came to find out he was running from the “Law”, to make along story short, he now had to be back in Renfrew Ontario for 5 pm for a meeting with his probation officer, it’s now 12:55 pm, a five hour drive to get him there, knowing it was next impossible to accomplish. So I picked up the phone and placed a call to the officer in question, this gentleman was very upset and yelling on the phone, refusing to give any lead way, saying if he was not on time for his meeting, he would call the police to pick him up and they were going to incarcerate him for one year. After twenty minutes or so, begging and pleading, I managed to convince him to wait as we were leaving immediately. PT CruserWell needless to say while en route I would end up almost losing my vehicle, a new 2008 PT Cruiser only a couple months old to the Ontario Provincial Police due to speeding, she clocked me going 50 kms over the speed limit and in a construction zone no less, current legislation included confiscating the said vehicle and double the normal fine in construction zones for speeding, but for reasons unknown she (the officer) said she would not take my vehicle, and would not double the fine, but I did get a $375 speeding ticket. We arrived in Renfrew one hour late but the guy was in his office waiting, now I had the task of convincing him not to lock a 17 year old boy up for a year with harden criminals, which would do him more harm then good, but he did agree to release him into my custody for 90 days and to return to Mississauga with me, needless to say the boy was as happy as a pig in shit 🙂 I did what I did because I knew him from the day he was born and he has held a special place in my heart and still do, like the son I will never have, even though he is afraid to be seen with me now or to speak to me for that matter. The KitchenThe fact he was going to be living with me for three months, caused issues with my landlord, once he knew I had company living in my unit he wanted more rent. I have been living in this unit for more than 3 years at the time, but to keep the peace I was paying $600 a month, I suggested an increase of $40 a month, he agreed and I assumed that was the end of it, but nooooooooooo I was wrong.One evening I received a call from the landlord regarding a leak under my shower, leaking down to the unit below me, he had to remove my shower to repair it and wanted permission to enter my unit the next day, I granted him the permission, butThe Horror Washroom I would live to regret it though. Arriving home the next day we would find the plumbers in the unit just finishing the shower uninstall, but they had to order a new one, and they would not be able to install it until the next day, leaving us with no running water in the washroom at all, not even for the toilet, I was not impressed but what can you do. I would call him every day for the next four days, inquiring to his intentions for the install of the shower, having to take time off work, 4 days due to no running water, we proceeded back to Renfrew to wait it out. On day four I called one of my brother’s in Brampton and requested he place a call to him for me because he, the landlord had not returned any of my calls or messages. My brother placed a call to him right away but got no answer either but left a message, Me SunGard 2007so on day five I left and headed back to Mississauga, not being able to loose any more time from work, but once I arrived late that night around 11 pm, I was surprised to see the plumbers working so late installing the new shower, it was certainly a relief. It also felt good the next morning, day five to wake up, shower and head to work, but it would be in vain, after 6 1/2 years it would be the day that SunGard would fire me. Now relieved that I no longer had to tolerate the workplace Bullying and Mobbing, but my life was now over, only to get worst. In closing over the last four years I have often wondered why or how I225113_10150978168096890_2016419255_n was still alive, and where my strength was coming from because in late 2010 I spent 8 days in bed, depressed and not able, nor did I have any desire to get out, I just wanted to die, but that’s when by chance I would meet my God sent, the one responsible for where and who I am today….lotsa luv mon ami.
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Bullies Beware by Paul M. Kramer

To purchase Paul's Book click the image.
To purchase Paul’s Book click the image.
Hi Paul My apologies for taking so long to get to your book, with my studies and all other readings, I try to stick to the first received to last just to be fair, nevertheless I have just finished reading your book and I must say, looking at it from a child’s perspective or rather a victim of Bullying perspective, you have hit the nail on the head.

It’s informative and touches the heart of the issue of Bullying, as a child reading it, I see he or she asking questions as to why they were Bullying Mikey and about why they were being so mean, which your book surely pro-tray’s clearly. They had no reason, just that some boy’s are just mean, and there will always be Bully’s or mean kids.

Also great that you touched on taking karate as self defense, I believe this is a great idea and should not be totally ruled out as an option. It’s good to know self defense Technics, or at least be able to stand up for yourself, but more times then not, it just escalates and or may create another more serious problem, reporting the Bullying to an adult, teacher, principle or family member is the first and safest step to take in resolving the issue and solve the problem, as you cannot stop violence with violence.

In closing as I read, the story line began to peak my interest immediately, also the illustration of images adds to the reality of the issues at hand and giving the reader a clearer picture, as I continued to read, also highlighting the topic. I assume from a child’s perspective it’s a must read, to the point and informative in every aspect, that in my opinion would peak and keep the child’s attention, making your book a benefit and an asset to add to school library’s. I love it great job and thanx for asking for my opinion….cheers my friend.

Best regards

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The real meaning of bullying

disabilityDear Editor: It’s sad to see the actual meaning of bullying and fighting against bullying has changed in to something else. There is a difference between being bullied and teased. Being bullied means being treated poorly because of race, weight, their clothes, the way they talk or for their extraordinary intelligence — things for which they have no fault. Now I am reading more about kids and people who get teased because of their own fault. For example, if I made wrong choices and people around me began teasing me, I should take the responsibility instead of blaming everyone around me or committing suicide. The media should publish stories about those who get bullied and never thought of committing suicide and are now successful in their lives.
People like Michael Phelps, Sandra Bullock and Justin Timberlake, who were bullied and outcast but are now successful. They got inspiration from that hate instead of it finishing their life.
Is this really something we want to spread? Do something wrong and when you get caught, instead of making it right, start trying suicide attempts, get attention from media so others will do the same for attention.
We should be proud that we are living in a country where these topics and problems get recognized.
I was born in a culture where these problems never got attention. I was born with a disability and started getting bullied at six.
I was never accepted by that society, but I came out a strong and positive person.
It was not my fault I was born this way, but in that society the majority of people think if you are born with a disability God has issues with you and you are bad luck.
It was difficult to handle, but I did, and all without telling anything to my mom, because I didn’t want her to get hurt more as my disability was already a pain in her life.
Instead, I started spreading more smile and love, looking at the positive aspects of my life. I started looking towards those who love me instead of who those who bullied me.
Today I am an encouragement for my children.
We should encourage the stories of those who will leave a positive effect on our youth. This is my request to media, please before publishing any bullying story do check the background of why he or she got bullied? Is this his/her fault? Did they make the wrong choices and now people around them are teasing them, which is wrong too but that is not bullying.
We must help those kids who made wrong choices to change their life.
I am teaching my children that if someone bullies you, it means you have something they are extremely jealous of.
I am trying to teach them that it’s not you, it’s them. It’s their way to release their anger or look cool.
In the end, you are the one responsible for your good or bad deeds and they are responsible for their own.

by Samreen Junaid, Windsong, Tuesday, March 4, 2014

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Galliano Parents Say Bullying led to Son’s Suicide

teen+bullied+01GALLIANO, La. — The Lafourche Parish Sheriff’s Office is investigating the death of a Galliano teenager Garyn Strong, 15, who apparently took his own life. His parents, Thad and Maureen Strong, said bullies tormented their son for the past four years. “They took away my buddy, my fishing partner, my hunting partner, my son,” said Thad Strong. “The bullying needs to stop,” said Maureen Strong. “It’s an epidemic that’s not just local or national, it’s worldwide.” Thad said he found Garyn’s lifeless body in the family kitchen Friday night. “I found him hanging and I cut him down. I didn’t know what to do.” Maureen said Garyn opened up about the bullying just six months ago. She said the bullies said hateful and cruel things to her son.
“There were gay slurs and they were calling him gay names and he would say if I would be gay, he said I don’t care, but he didn’t approve of them calling him something that he wasn’t. They would call him fat.”
The Strongs say they brought the bullying to the attention of officials at South Lafourche High School where their son attended classes. School officials were not available to comment on Monday because of the Martin Luther King holiday.
“This boy kept saying I’m going to beat you down, I’m going to beat you down,” said Thad Strong. “He couldn’t go no where. He couldn’t do nothing.”
The Lafourche Parish Sheriff’s Office confirms it is conducting an investigation into the bullying allegations.
The Strongs say those who bullied their son need to be stopped.
“Garyn’s gone,” said Maureen Strong. “They are going to go on to somebody else and we don’t want that to happen.”
The Strongs say they would like to set up a foundation in Garyn’s name to teach parents and young people about the consequences of bullying.
“If their grades start dropping quick and they just keep on saying I hate school, I hate school, I hate school, they’re something going wrong in that school,” said Thad Strong.
“One word that’s inappropriate can crush somebody’s soul,” said Maureen Strong.
Paul Murphy / Eyewitness News
Posted on January 20, 2014 at 6:37 PM
Updated today at 4:03 PM

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Archives: Suicides
Lafourche school board says it’s cooperating in investigation of student’s suicide
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Decreasing Juvenile Delinquency

prevention pre2prevention preOutside Class “He who opens a school door closes a prison.” –Victor Hugo

Welcome to the education edition of Prevention Perspectives! This eNewsletter is packed with tips and information about effective methods to decrease delinquency, the real dangers of cyberbullying, and more. We hope it helps you bring new ideas and refreshed hope to the New Year.

Supporting Students and Decreasing Juvenile Delinquency
The public school system in Kalamazoo, Michigan has a number of good reasons to believe that therapeutic alternatives to treating juvenile delinquency are effective, among them the 57% decrease in area juvenile arrests since 2008. Read more about how KPS’s multi-dimensional approach to keeping kids in school has played a role in decreased delinquency.

Want more ideas on keeping kids on track? Get helpful hints about behavior management.

Guidance for Creating a Positive School Climate
Can a positive school climate keep kids in school and out of trouble? US Secretary of Education Arne Duncan calls for a decrease in zero-tolerance policies and an increase in restorative practices and positive behavior supports. Watch his video and download the School Discipline Guidance Package prepared by the Departments of Education and Justice.

Socially Speaking
Head over to our Facebook page to grab the Promoting Safety on Campus eBook for your staff and clients.

Cyberbullies Are Real Bullies
Don’t believe in cyberbullying? That’s not uncommon, according to Delete Cyberbullying, an online organization dedicated to educating kids and parents about the real dangers of living in a connected world. Learning more about the organization is a great first step toward taking a stand against digital harassment—and students can apply for a scholarship in the process!

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Stop Bullying With Empathy

empathy-quotesWhen I knocked on the door of teenage mother Amy, she held her infant baby girl in her arms and her toddler clung to her leg. Her glasses had been punched into her eyebrow, leaving a fresh cut, and she lead with, “Mary, he didn’t mean it, he said he was sorry, he even cried.” He was able to admit that he could not feel what she felt. He lacked empathy.

The absence of empathy is a common denominator in atrocities at home such as family violence, bullying at school and global atrocities such as the Holocaust, genocide and the marginalization of those who are different in some way. When levels of empathy go up, people are less likely to hurt one another, as they understand how it feels to be hurt. This is exactly what we see in the Roots of Empathy classrooms as children are able to identify with the feelings of the other. Randomized longitudinal research studies show that this aggression and bullying is reduced significantly and remains lower over time. Developing empathy allows us to identify our shared humanity. Roots of Empathy was born to draw the curtain on cruelty and build a bridge which connects us to one another, to our shared feelings.

We are all born with the capacity for empathy and it flowers or fades in the early years in response to the care we receive from loved ones. Roots of Empathy works from the love between a parent and an infant. Across the United States, hundreds of Roots of Empathy classrooms have brought together neighborhood infants and parents, along with a trained instructor and an award-winning curriculum to build empathy in children over the school year.

If you’d like to stop bullying and aggression early by introducing young children to empathy, you can learn more about the Roots of Empathy Indiegogo campaign here.

Empathy-definitionThe difference between “JUSTICE” and “EMPATHY” or are they the same or interconnected? we hear about this country and that country, this state or province or that state or province implementing legislation against and to combat Bullying. In all honesty legislation is not worth the paper it’s written on if it’s not enforced and from where I sit, legislation is a Government’s way of offering a solution, the same as a mother giving her baby a pacifier {silicone Nipple} to quiet the youngster. In most cases the mother is not giving the youngster the pacifier because of her empathy for the child but rather to shut the child up, to eliminate the noise. I feel no excitement, relief or accomplishment when reading all the articles on the creation of Anti-Bullying Legislation around the world because Canada has legislation against Bullying, is it preventing the destruction of my well being or slow death? “NO” indeed not, legislation in Canada is as invisible to me as the air I breath and as worthless as tits on a bull, there can be no “JUSTICE” without “EMPATHY” it’s just not justice at all.

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Kick Down the Door of Fear

Thomas MaxwellI don’t think we need to define what fear means to us. I feel like the more we define what Love means to us, it simply opens the up door to a dark room lighting everything inside, rather than us trying to run around the room with a flashlight. I don’t think that’s going to work really well, and I think its only going to scare us more than we already are. And every time we open up “this door” in one aspect of our lives, it ALLOWS God to come and fill us, “I Won’t Ever Stop Loving” by Simple Tom.

Fill us full of Love.

Fill us full of passion and inspiration and peace and its said that EVERYTHING that is good, is God, which is also different “distortions” or derivatives of Love that we’ve assigned different names for.

So God is Love.

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So EVERY single aspect of you that has fear is like “a door” that has not been opened yet, which is essentially a part of you that your not allowing God or Love to fill. What this means is that to allow God to fill our lives full of abundance and Love, we must face our fears, or “UNVEIL THE DARKNESS”, to release that which we are resisting or fearful of. This only happens though when we make the CONSCIOUS CHOICE to “open up that door” and face our fears. This will drive your EGO crazy, but it has to be done to reconnect with God and with Love, and to HEAL those parts of your life.
Know that its ok that your scared. I’m terrified some days of facing different situations.
But REMEMBER and KNOW, that as soon as you KICK that door down you will feel 100x better, And since we defined God as Love, passion and inspiration… I’d say its a pretty positive and worth while decision.

Cheers,
And have an amazing day!
Nov 27, 2013 by Thomas Maxwell

P.S. Remember that You ARE loved more than you can even imagine! Don’t ever EVER forget that. You literally cannot even conceive of how much you are Loved, Just thought you should know that.Love heart
If you have an extra minute or two, please check out this excellent tune by this extremely talented young man, Thomas Maxwell. Lotsa Luv is all you need cheers 🙂

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South Africa: Nelson Mandela’s Death a Tremendous Loss

Life Epitomized Brave Struggle for Freedom, Equality, Justice

Former president of South Africa Mandela chats with Britain's Prime Minister Brown in London(Johannesburg) – The death of Nelson Mandela on December 5, 2013, is a tremendous loss, not only for South Africa, but for the world.
Mandela, who led the decades-long struggle against apartheid in South Africa, was jailed for 27 years for his activism. Released in 1990, Mandela became South Africa’s first post-apartheid president in 1994. He was widely credited for shepherding the country’s peaceful transition to a more equitable and democratic system.
“Mandela’s life epitomized the fight for freedom, equality, and justice, all core human rights ideals,” said Kenneth Roth, executive director at Human Rights Watch. “His death reminds us of the uniqueness of his principled and dignified leadership, both in Africa and beyond.”
Nelson Mandela was born on July 18, 1918. After completing high school, he attended the University of Fort Hare, where he became involved in student politics. In 1944 he joined the African National Congress (ANC). Together with Walter Sisulu, Oliver Tambo, and other anti-apartheid activists, Mandela formed the ANC Youth League. In 1964 Mandela and 156 other ANC members were tried and convicted of sabotage and sentenced to life in prison.
At his trial, Mandela said:

I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But if need be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.

African National Congress (ANC) President Nelson Mandela accompanied by local ANC candidate Terra La..Despite being sentenced to life in prison and spending a total of 27 years in jail until 1990, Nelson Mandela preached passionately and without evident bitterness about reconciliation and the need to build a new South African state. A cornerstone of that development is South Africa’s well regarded constitution, which enshrines fundamental values of human dignity, equality, and freedom, as well as the importance of nation building, public participation, and social cohesion.
Almost two decades into its democracy, South Africa is not the country that Mandela had said he hoped it would become. Inequality and poverty remain rife, the education and health sectors are inadequate, and South Africa remains divided by racial separation and deep economic inequality.
“Mandela led South Africa out of darkness and brutality,” Roth said. “The country’s next generation of leaders would do well to live up to his high standards and fervent commitment to human rights.”
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